Tonight was part two of our acclimatization process for high school.  Open House.  Can’t screw up walking around on your own, right? … um, right.  Mostly.

Much like step one of the process, I didn’t know what to expect tonight, and given it wasn’t loaded with presentations on the importance of family dinners and monitoring our kids’ use of social media, I was bound to be happy.

Having driven past penguins and polar bears on the way to the school, I was dreading the walk from the parking lot into the building in sub-zero wind chills more than anything related to the evening and I wasn’t disappointed.  A minute into his warm up chat, the Principal of the school asked for a show of hands from everyone who was frozen by the walk into the building… how you raise your hand if you are, in fact, frozen is a mystery, but let’s not be technical…

Having heard a fifteen minute schtick, mostly explaining that they were going to set us loose on the building in groups (not a particularly complex concept, but who’s counting), we were on our way.

My goal for tonight was rather simple: help Christina get one more step comfortable with what will be her new school.  Given the girls arrived several minutes late, it was immediately evident that everyone was in a bit of a funk to get started.  All going in different directions, no one even remotely present in the moment.  It’s odd how we have the ability to gear shift as people.  I had an awful day and might as well have been physically grinding an axe walking into the building. Somehow, seeing them all in a different place got me focused on the situation.  I took Christina around and we spoke to a number of people, between teachers, counselors, some people there to discuss clubs, etc.  By the time we were done, we found out some useful information to help her register for classes, but more importantly, she seemed to be having fun and a lot more relaxed.  The downside was that she really only has two elective slots to fill in her schedule and she’d like to sign up for probably 10 things… I don’t know what I expected there, but I wish I saw it coming so I could’ve helped guide her through it better… (add one to the lesson learned list for Anna in three years).

In any event, the night came and went pretty quick.  Anna was incredibly bored, until the point where I pointed out that she’ll be the person walking around asking questions in three years.  I don’t think the concept of middle school has fully settled in yet, let alone high school… the reaction was worth it. 🙂

We’re one step further down the road… likely Christina will leave her recommended honors classes alone and put Spanish and Chorus in there for good measure.  We have a week to make sure all that is in the system, but tonight seemed to get the picture a lot more clear… including the bit where she won’t be able to squeeze Drivers Ed anywhere into her schedule and have it fit… oh well, I guess we’ll have to take the outside school option.

Disorientation step two… complete.  Can’t wait to see what comes next…

-CJG 01/21/2014

I hate conflict… I hate fighting… At an overall level, I am very bothered by any serious discord.  I don’t like being at odds with people, even if I’m not a particular fan of their views or behaviors.  If I have that sense of imbalance, it can sit with me for quite a while, and it’s difficult to shake sometimes.  I suspect there are a decent number of people who feel that way as well, some of whom then take the additional step towards avoiding conflict.  That’s the part where I generally don’t follow along. This isn’t to say I would purposefully seek out a conflict, but I also believe that some fights are worth fighting.

When I was in junior high, I had a very intense experience that had me and a few others in physical harm’s way.  Not really knowing what to do, I ended up right in the center of an intense situation that ultimately ended ok, but put me in the position of both having to think and act very quickly in the interest of protecting loved ones.  While the purpose of this note is not to talk about that experience, I did take away a couple things that have stayed with me since.

First is that we have the ability to speak our truth in life, whatever it is, and have our views understood.  We don’t have to be right, and no one ever is all the time, but we can be true to ourselves and live into our values.  One of our teachers at Notre Dame High School had two expressions that stuck with me related to this.  The first was that we should “have the courage of our convictions” and second was that “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll stand for anything.”  The latter is an expression that I’ve taken very much to heart over the years, especially in the work environment, where so many people say what they believe others want to hear (and take the safe road) rather than say what they actually believe is correct.  What we don’t condemn, we then ultimately condone and become complicit in the outcome.

Having spoken up on various issues over the years, it’s an odd phenomena that, after doing so (and sometimes getting blasted for it), people would come up to me privately and say “thank you for saying that”…”I was thinking the same thing”.. and so on.  To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about these moments.  I’ve been in that situation enough times where I’m both annoyed with the bystanders but then happy to just be someone trying to make a difference and do the right thing in the face of that adversity.  It has landed me on an island a few times over the years, but I’d rather be there than reinforcing the status quo when people may be in harm’s way as a result.

An analogy that I’ve used over the years is: You’re in a room with 10 people.  Someone is standing at the front, talking about a problem they are struggling with or trying to solve.  Eight of the people leave the room not having said anything.  Of that set, half of them think nothing of it, and the other half may comment to someone outside the room about how it sucks to be that person.  For the other two people in the room, it’s possible one of them says “You might want to try this…” and the other says, “I’m willing to help you if I can.”  While it’s a hypothetical situation, I’ve certainly been in plenty of discussions over the years to say this does happen.  The question I ask is who do you want to be?  Many people fall into the 8 who do nothing and walk away.  A select set of people fall into the other two.  My wish is that more people would engage long enough to try to help.  Thinking about it, I believe it might go back to that very early experience from childhood where I didn’t have a choice not to participate, but what I did made a very significant difference. I feel a compulsion to engage and, while it’s not always easy, it feels necessary and important to me.

The second thing that came from the experience relates to dealing with aggression.  Something about being in a position of having to protect others at a very young age really burned the notion of standing up to aggressors in at a deep level.  Bullies are way too tolerated in society, and especially within the work environment.  Knowing there are many states with pending anti-bullying legislation that would make it similar in nature to other forms of workplace harassment, my sincere hope is that is does eventually pass and helps improve conditions for the many people subjected to de-humanizing behavior on an ongoing basis.  This is where I’d come back to my original point on conflict: I hate it and don’t want to be a part of it.  That being said, someone has to be willing to step into the fray at times and keep others out of harm’s way.

There’s a scene in the movie The Guns of Navarone (one of my favorite war movies) where Gregory Peck and David Niven are arguing about how to deal with a traitor discovered among their group.  Niven’s comment is that he would never let the Army make him an officer, to which Peck responds “then you’ve had a free ride, all this time. Someone has got to take the responsibility if the job is going to get done.  Do you think that’s easy?”  It’s a powerful moment and Peck does a wonderful job bringing out the struggle and pressure he feels in making difficult decisions necessary to accomplish the mission he inherited through circumstance.  Having watched that scene countless times, it always fires me up.  It represents the burden that comes with leadership.  It’s not easy, it requires a lot of humility, courage, work, thought, compassion, and so on.

In any event, in dealing with aggression, I hate conflict but I’m not conflict avoidant.  I’d rather not have disagreement at all, but will disagree if I believe there is a better choice to be made.  That’s a difficult and lonely line to walk at times, but it’s also a rewarding one when you can look yourself in the mirror at night and know you’ve done what you believe is right.  Not surprisingly, its amazing how many paper tigers exist in the form of bullies, who aren’t actually strong or particularly tough, they are just used to getting no resistance.  The number of people with good intentions far outnumbers those who have these sort of behaviors, and yet the balance of power is sometimes shifted out of whack because there aren’t enough people trying to do something to address it.  It’s easier to look the other way, to not take on that responsibility for change, to want someone else to deal with it.  Our collective challenge is to make a difference, by taking action and speaking up, in the right ways, at the right times, to try and create a safer and more respectful environment for everyone.

There will always be a bully on the proverbial playgrounds of life, but there don’t need to be so many of them, and every once in a while, it would be really nice if the larger, well-intentioned masses rose up and beat them into submission for a change, and sent a larger message that it’s not ok, the good people of the world outnumber them, and human dignity, rights, and respect are worth fighting for…

A lot more came out here than I expected, but I’ll finish as I began.  I’d rather step into the ring and fight for what I believe in than be a passive spectator on things that matter.  It’s a lesson I learned the hard way a long time ago, and I don’t expect to give up on it any time soon… though it would be nice if one or two more people joined in that fight from time to time. 🙂

-CJG 01/19/2014

A change of pace this morning, with some thoughts on attitude and outlook.

In waking each day, the first thing I do (other than curse my alarm), is look out the window to get a sense of the weather.  That moment can set a tone, intentionally or not, for what comes next in the day.

Sunrise can be a beautiful time of day.  All is peaceful, the sky transforms from the dark night, through a range of brightening color, culminating with the appearance of the Sun.  It can be like a reawakening of life, a fresh start, a moment to begin again.  Over the water, the Sun casts a sparkle that seems to ignite the wave tops, as if an infectious glow is bringing excitement into the world.  This energy only rises as the Sun breaks free of the horizon and begins its journey across the sky, welcomed by the tree tops, the birds with their song, and warming the day as if to envelop us all in a comfortable blanket.  As the day ends, again the Sun meets the ocean, and the sparkle reappears, as if to say, “we’ll see you again”, before the warmth and light passes from the sky.  It’s powerful, and it happens every single day, whether we see it in plain sight, or not.

And it seems to me, that our relationships with people can be much the same as this.  We have a choice in what we bring to the world, and also what we see.

In the somewhat famous “Last Lecture” by CMU’s Randy Pausch, he uses an analogy from Winnie the Pooh to ask whether we are a “Tigger” or an “Eeyore”, emphasizing that we have a choice in how we engage with others.  It’s a simple, but relatively helpful image to highlight the opportunity everyone has to bring a positive or negative attitude into our interactions.

Going back to the start of the day, our interactions with people can be much like that first look out the window.  We have the ability to set the tone in how we communicate, behave, and influence the world around us.  Something as simple as a smile, a laugh, a moment where we encourage ourselves and others not to take everything too seriously and be a little gentler, can make such a difference in where things go.  It’s a choice, and unfortunately one that can be lost amidst the noise and frustration that many of us experience through the twists and turns of our daily routines.

Alternatively, just as we create that ‘picture in the sky’, we also are the person looking out the window.  What we choose to see can be equally powerful and important.  It’s common sense that we cannot control the behaviors and actions of others.  The sky may not just be gray some days, it may be a thunderstorm or blizzard.  What we see in that is also important.  The fact is that the Sun rises every single day, even the days we can’t see it.  For those who have ever taken a flight on a cloudy or rainy day, there is a moment when the plane breaks through the clouds and suddenly the blue sky and Sun reappear.  The reality is that it was there all along, even though it couldn’t be seen from the ground.  It can be a beautiful moment if you take the time to notice and appreciate it.  So many of us only see the clouds and lose sight of the light that is always behind them.  For me, that represents hope and a reason to look past the difficult things, and know that tomorrow can be better.

So, with these thoughts in mind, I’d simply say that our choices shape our world, both in what we bring out from ourselves, and what we choose to see when we look around us.  There is always cause for hope.  Whether we see it at any given moment is really about our vantage point and our ability to see past the clouds.  We’d all love to live in a world of perpetually clear, blue skies, but it’s not the world we live in, and life needs the rain too.  For myself, I’m very fortunate to have both wonderful friends and family to help keep these things in perspective every now and again when I lose sight of them (albeit sometimes with a healthy smack upside the head).  My encouragement to others would be to reach out and look for that support in the moments you need it or to be that light for someone else.  There are so many good people in the world waiting to make a difference and, through their actions, through our potential, we can make the world a better place.

-CJG 01/12/2014

It makes sense to go with Part 1 on this note, because there are undoubtedly many steps to the journey on which we are embarking with Christina entering high school next year.

Last night’s “High School 101” at her soon to be stomping grounds was pretty uninformative and disappointing, but that was mostly about the mechanics of the night and the execution of the speakers.  The lowlight was hearing the Principal referring to himself in the third-person with an emphasis on the “Dr.” part of his designation. It felt a little pompous, like I was living through the Jimmy episode of Seinfeld without any of the funny parts… in any event, step one is complete.

The highlight of last night was watching Kathy and Christina’s reaction at the moment they told us she can take Driver’s Ed second semester next year.  I had a “wow” reaction, Christina lit up with a “cool” look on her face, and Kathy was every bit horrified and shocked.  Welcome to the land of massively underprepared parents.  Please feel free to stay for a while…we’ll make you both full members.

Honestly, I’m excited for her, and just hope we can keep up.  None of us gets a guidebook on how to be good parents.  We’re all just figuring it out as we go, doing our best, hoping we don’t make any mistakes that will do lasting damage.  I see our role as a combination of life coach and moral compass.  Time will tell whether any of our choices were good ones.  At this point, I’m reasonably content that we’re doing the best we can under less than ideal circumstances, and our girls both seem to have their heads screwed on straight.  We’re trying to raise two responsible young women who will have the courage and conviction to trust their instincts, believe in themselves, have strong values, and be the best they can be.  It’s a tall order (especially since I could probably keep adding to that list), but they are off to a good start, and we’re just hoping to keep them on the path as best we can.  Ultimately, we just want them to follow their hearts and be happy.  As simple as that is, a lot of people in the world aren’t there, and its not a bad starting point.

In any event, sitting in the auditorium last night, and on the drive home, I was reminded how my daughters are growing up.  It’s happening right before our eyes and at a pace faster than we realize.  It seems like yesterday that Christina was entering middle school, now we have Anna getting ready to go there and Christina going into high school.  Where did the time go?  Hopefully it will slow down enough for me to get something set aside for college, because I feel like I’m the passenger in a car going full speed towards the edge of a cliff…(different topic altogether).

Some people miss having babies and small children in the house… I’m not one of them.  I love babies, but my daughters become more fascinating and amazing to me as people with every passing year. Their ability to reason, to ask questions, to challenge, to come up with ridiculous, funny things… I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  I had that time with them when they were little. I prefer this part, along with the challenges that come with it.  Answering their questions makes me examine issues for myself… what we believe, how we want our relationships with others to be, how strongly we feel about doing what’s right, how we deal with adversity…

So, in closing, the quote “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” from Lao Tzu comes to mind.  The world is about to get more interesting again, and I just hope we can continue to keep up…

-CJG 01/09/2014

Having received yet another pounding of snow in the last 24 hours, which is still coming down (by the way), and come in from a feeble attempt at shoveling, I’m wondering when Winter became less exciting and such an incredible hassle.

As a kid growing up, snow meant a few distinct things:

1. My brothers and I had to spend some time shoveling
2. We’d head over to the hill near Lawrencewood Shopping Center and go sledding
3. We’d get a couple friends together and play some snow football

In the first case, it was such a part of our routine, I guess I never thought about it too much.  Growing up, it was something my dad was definitely going to do and we were expected to help.  We didn’t have a snow blower, something I think we relegated to people too lazy to do the actual work.  In my father’s mind, I can’t imagine why he’d think he needed one when he had three sons anyway… For us, it was somewhat of a rite of passage to be doing it in the first place and I always enjoyed spending the time with him regardless.  If anything, the challenging part was that we had a long driveway that ran to the back of the house, and none of the cars were ever in there.  As a result, it took quite a while between cleaning the cars off, scraping ice off windshields as needed, then shoveling the sidewalk, driveway, and back patio… by comparison, my current workload is probably a third of that… and I did the previous amount for years, as a kid…

When it came to play, I don’t remember giving much consideration to the temperature, wind chill, or anything.  We just bundled up and looked for a good sledding run (ideally with a jump in it) or a long pass completion in the football game.  Something about throwing and catching a football with gloves on felt like a major accomplishment.  The worse the visibility, the better.  It’s worth noting that we walked (as young kids) a half mile to the park, crossing a major road, without having to be driven by our parents… how unconscionable (in today’s environment).

Our preoccupation with school being out had nothing to do with temperature, driving conditions, or safety.  It was based on having more time to play.  My memory of the Blizzard of 1979 is associated with the gigantic snow drift that was several feet high around our back door and the huge igloo we carved out of the snow pile in front of our garage… Beyond that?  Well, the Chicago Mayor lost the ensuing election because he was blamed for a lousy response to the weather.  Otherwise nothing.  I was a kid.  What was I supposed to notice anyway?

These days, Winter has become an entirely different experience.  Like many other people in the Chicago area, I can’t stand it.  Getting places is a hassle; the cold is annoying, even with a warm winter coat; clearing snow is a chore I’d rather not do; and my preference would be to throw a few logs in the fireplace, hunker down, and wait for Spring to arrive.  When exactly I became the Grinch?  I have no idea.

So, here’s the thing: somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost the fun stuff and added a bunch of ‘responsibility’ in it’s place that simply isn’t so fun.  As a kid, I may have sat in the car on the way to the grocery store to get food, but I wasn’t worried about my parents driving in snowy or icy conditions to make sure we had something to eat.  I wasn’t bothered by people buzzing around in SUVs (largely because they didn’t exist yet), as if the concept of 4-wheel drive means your car doesn’t need contact with the road surface to stop.  I may have had to walk a mile to junior high (now ‘middle school’) every day, but I don’t remember being bothered about the “wind chill factor”, we just bundled up more.  I don’t know that the actual weather conditions were much different, but my point of view certainly has changed, and not entirely for the better.

Oddly enough, one thing I miss is a very simple item that I can address, of which I was reminded this morning when a neighbor came and graciously helped clear my driveway with his snow blower.  It is the ability to do something for someone else.

In our first house, we had an elderly couple next door where the husband had a heart condition.  As winter would come along, I would make sure to clear their snow for them, at first, just shoveling them out by hand and then with my snow blower (when I eventually got one).  Such a simple thing, but knowing I’d done something to make things easier for them felt great.  It is what my father would’ve done and in a small way, even though he’s no longer with us, it’s a way I can pay him a measure of respect for the man he would’ve wanted me to be.  No doubt I’ve fallen short in other ways, but something as simple as doing good because its the right thing to do does mean something, it feels great, and the world is a better place when you take advantage of those opportunities.

Well, this became a little longer note than I expected… but I guess, in reflection, I need to stop procrastinating and get that monster snow blower I’ve been pondering.  Having been somewhat of a nomad since my divorce a few years ago, I guess I’ve wanted to know I’d be on stable footing at one address long enough to use it.  What I’ve given up is an ability to help other people, and it’s probably a poor tradeoff to have made.  The other thing I need to do is get outside with the girls and make a few snow angels… and also figure out something fun we can do in the snow here and there… We can’t change what makes a Chicago Winter so challenging, but it’s probably the case that I can make it a little more bearable with a healthier state of mind.  Having gone skiing (or “falling down a mountain” as I more appropriately refer to the experience) for the first time for four consecutive days in Salt Lake City many years ago with Kathy, I do know it’s possible to have a lot of fun under the right conditions, albeit I’ve never been so sore in my life given the physical beating I took…

Looking outside, it would seem that a couple fresh inches of snow have covered up what was a relatively clear driveway when I started writing this… guess it’s time to get the coat back on, think of my father for a second, stop complaining so much, and get to work…right after I dive headfirst into the front lawn… Geronimo…

-CJG 01/05/2014

A while back, a video was posted on my Facebook page related to a rant from former Bear Mike Singletary, from his coaching stint in San Francisco (if you’re interested, it’s easy to find on YouTube).  The context was apparently the 49ers having taken a beating in the game and the coach carrying his frustration into the pressroom for his post-game interview.  What I find compelling about the video is the point where the coach says he’d rather play with 10 people than have 11 where one of them isn’t in it for the betterment of the team.  He goes onto say that he “wants winners.”  Between his obvious personal passion and the emphasis he places on people being invested in success, it’s hard to miss the point being made on the importance of a functioning team.

On a separate note, I also take a certain amount of ongoing inspiration from watching the Chicago Blackhawks.  Certainly, being a hockey fan doesn’t hurt, but I’m referring to the leadership from Coach Joel Quenneville.  Rarely do you see an interview with Coach Q or the players where they aren’t focused, echoing the same messages, etc.  If it were a “normal business”, likely it would be held up as a great example of alignment across a relatively diverse set of people with various roles.

While I’d generally stay away from drawing sports analogies where business is concerned, the underlying messages from these two examples are relatively thought provoking.

In the former case, attitude means a great deal when it comes to both individual and team performance.  One person with a negative attitude can create a very toxic environment for everyone else and draw a lot of focus away from actual priorities.  If it’s the manager of a team, it can be exponentially worse, and one can only hope that someone higher in the organization is paying enough attention (and soliciting sufficient input) to remedy the situation.  Having had the benefit of working with and restructuring various teams over time, it’s amazing how the same or even a smaller group with the right attitude and focus can outperform the original team, even with less physical “capacity”.  It’s counterintuitive, but does speak to the productivity lost when people are distracted away from the conditions that create high performance.

On the second example, part of what makes the Blackhawks compelling from my perspective is the focus and commitment you see throughout the entire hockey season.  In a simple example, when the Blackhawks win a game, it is rare that you’ll hear the coaches (or players) talk about all the things they did right.  The normal post-game discussions are related to things they could do better.  It’s quite different than many organizations with regard to how they handle success.

Having won two championships in the last four years, one would reasonably expect some level of complacency or arrogance to leak in, but it’s not what comes across, and it creates a sense of competence and credibility that could well produce successful results again in the next few years.  That type of commitment is not something you see often in the “working” world, where short-term success is often the worst enemy of long-term sustainability, because the hunger and drive (and arguably luck, favorable market conditions, etc.) that created initial success are lost the minute anyone assumes they’re smarter, better, or more equipped than their competition.

In this respect, both examples do have a common theme that resonates with me.  Winning starts with the right attitude and a shared commitment to success, but it also takes a focus on continuous improvement and a large measure of organizational humility if it’s going to be sustainable.  Circumstances can and do change, and there are many organizations that have learned that lesson the hard way… for my part, I hope I can find myself in ones that want to create the right environment for success over time.  While that demands a lot of leaders, it also pays the greatest rewards in terms of what you’re able to accomplish…

Some food for thought on a Friday night…

-CJG 01/03/2014

With the season of New Year’s Resolutions in full swing, I thought it might be worth sharing a thought or two on goals.

In general, I’m not a big fan of such things, at least in an explicit sense.  I don’t make “New Year’s Resolutions,” not sure that I ever have really.  I know the major things that need to happen this year.  In the case of our family and what’s important, it’s so obvious that it doesn’t require a separate exercise to articulate what matters and I don’t see much point to creating a tangible list other than announcing to the world things that most of my close friends would consider quite obvious.  It could also be that a number of years rife with adversity and change has tempered my expectations of what’s reasonable or possible in a short timeframe.  I’m ok with progress at this point.  No one reaches the summit of a mountain worth climbing in one step… we’re out to advance our base camp a level or two and acclimate from there for the next steps of the journey.

That being said, I do believe in the power of inspiration and commitment when it comes to achieving meaningful things.  Looking back over the years, I have very proud moments associated with accomplishing things I was told were not possible by others.  My general reaction to being told something can’t be done (assuming it’s worth doing) is “Oh yeah?”… the nature of the challenge itself becomes motivation to accomplish the goal.  I like the idea of breaking new ground, disproving critics, and showing what’s possible when people joined around a common purpose and vision set their minds to get something done.  It can be magical and inspiring in every way, and I don’t mind all the hard work that comes with it.  Certainly, the older I get, the rougher those hours have become because I have other priorities and want more balance, but I still find that the statement “do what you love, and you’ll never work another day of your life” is somewhat true (at least to a degree).

So, understanding that many friends are in the process of identifying their goals for 2014, I’ll simply say that I’m hopeful everyone does what works best and achieves everything that matters to them (and possibly others they didn’t anticipate) in the coming year.  For my part, I simply want the inspiration to engage, participate, and make a positive difference, in whatever ways I can.

What I have learned over the last few years is the importance of that inspiration in the equation for me (and certainly for others as well).  I’m sure there are studies out there to confirm or refute the point, but believing in what we are doing adds purpose to our actions, and thereby makes them more focused, directed, effective, and productive.  It shows up in the results, or it simply doesn’t show up at all.  People invested in what they are doing outperform those who are just trying to get by.  The question is whether we’re paying enough attention to understand the importance of this underlying motivation and what we do about it.

So, I’ll end with a simple statement that I’m looking forward to what changes 2014 will bring.  To the extent I need to take more of an assertive position in seeking them out, that’s ok.  The inspiration and ability to make a difference is well worth the investment.

-CJG 1/1/2014